Some Observations of my Personality

 

I started this new job at Pyramid Valley International on January 23, 2023, with the hope that apart from getting to do regular work on campus, I shall get time to do my personal spiritual work. This would definitely be a go-to ‘new life starter’ project and sticking to it I will change my life completely based on this, in terms of discipline in health, professional work, career, practice, sleep, and eating routines.

 

However to my surprise, as I look back at my stay here in the past 8 months, I have found that I have degraded the most in this time here as I have never done anywhere. I completely lack discipline, I have actually lost my appetite to do breathing exercises that I did so enthusiastically during the COVID times, sometimes even twice a day. Now it's easily a week that I miss without regret.

 

It's incredible for me. I cannot even imagine what I have become. I never thought that I would come to this stage. But here I am, and I must find a solution to it. I have thought over it before also but this hasn’t seeped into my understanding. I don’t know what realization I would require for it to be a permanent crystallization in me, because only after certain crystallization of information that a change in the course of action take place.

I have my habit tracker with me. I sometimes fill those enthusiastically and at other times probably 4-5 days at a stretch don’t touch it as if it was never a part of my life. I am beginning to see the shortcomings of my personality. This body-mind of mine is very fickle, it never sticks to something and completes it. How should I change it? Is it possible to change it?

Scriptures say it is not possible to change it. One can only watch as a witness, and the body and mind play out their predefined role, so should I just do nothing and become free? In one way it’s a relief. In another way, it is frightening because you cannot do anything. Despite seeing the shortcomings of yours you are not doing or rather not being able to do anything because you cannot do anything.

This is crazy. Just be a witness then. I have some more things to comment on my body-mind functionality. I have found some traits of behavior in my relationships with my relatives. I shall speak of them later in maybe another post. For now goodbye.